


Codependency

by noblet



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: I haven't written in weeks I'm trying to get back at it again, I'm Sorry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-10
Updated: 2014-10-10
Packaged: 2018-02-20 14:44:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2432588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noblet/pseuds/noblet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been years</p>
            </blockquote>





	Codependency

The pain has numbed over the years, but sometimes, when you wake up in the early hours of the morning, floating in and out of sleep, you can feel it. The hurt elbows you in the face, and you can feel he beginnings of yet another bloody nose, those of which you've experienced far too many times. Red flashes in your vision as you hold a finger up to your eyes, the taste of a metal dripping into your mouth.

You're not sure why you're still hurt. Maybe it was all you went through. Everything you had to do, the struggle to achieve a fairy tail ending. Save the world, survive. Get the guy. Live happily forever after. Maybe it was how much you loved him, how your heart leapt and soared, seeing your feelings for him were reciprocated during the drift. You could've stayed together. Sadly, life in the real world is never so easy.

The ghost drift, hah. What a huge slap in the face. The neediness for him, working alone late at night, you hear something - a faint sound, like the tap of a cane or the kettle spout clinging against a glass of tea. Very rarely, you can hear him call your name, and you perk up for a few seconds before realizing and being thrown in the strict reality that he's gone.

Hermann Gottlieb. A name you know you'll never forget as long as you live. His brilliance, the little quirks and abnormalities you both shared, being able to read each others minds long before drifting. You two worked like a well oiled machine, chaotic some, but you got the work done. He did the math. You did the science. You both saved the world, brain and brain, soul and soul.

The happiness didn't last long. Drift side effects, as it turns out, has a greater fatality rate, depending on the person. It should've been you. He would be happier than you, all these years later. Doesn't it make more sense for a person who did it twice to suffer instead of the person who did it once? No day ever goes by without you pondering the outcome of the future - what would've happened if he didn't drift. You wonder sometimes, how someone as mind strong as Hermann could suffer to be so weak. 

You'd never admit it, but you still try to talk to him. Some pilots are able to do so after losing their partners, but you haven't had any luck. 

And you were much more than partners.

You used to get mad at the saying "if he teases you, he likes you". You wrote it off as some bully's poor response to being called out for his actions, but it turns out, it's true, even if it's only half a lie. 

You hope he didn't die thinking you hated him.


End file.
